how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
