I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
