My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
