To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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