I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I could make wine with my vomit
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
