im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
