end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
