my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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