He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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