I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
