Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
