It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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