I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
