im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am midnight drunk by noon
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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