I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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