jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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