Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
worst night to have a conscience
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
