Kiss
Puke
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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