No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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