Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
