also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
