Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
