At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
