Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
