U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize