lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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