Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
