What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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