i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
