LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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