I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
