haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You smell like stripper and shame
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
