i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
