Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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