Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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