I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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