Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
