I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
