I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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