I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
