I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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