I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
