I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize