Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
