this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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