Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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