I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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