I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
