Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
