Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
