Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.