My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios