If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."