Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
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I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...