I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.