im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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