did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?