I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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