I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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