I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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