I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
