awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
