Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
