it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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