whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Be still, my beating vagina.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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