Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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