the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
