i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
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BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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