do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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