You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Everclear isn't food dammit
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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